my spiritual journey
I grew up with a Catholic Father and a Mother who was a Jehovah's Witness. I was baptised as a Catholic as an infant and went to church every Sunday with my parents for most of my childhood. My mother taught me a lot about her beliefs as a child. I remember her making it fun. She had a sort of toy chest for a prize if we could memorize the books of the Bible. I grew up with a Catholic Father and a Mother who was a Jehovah's Witness. I was baptised as a Catholic as an infant and went to church every Sunday with my parents for most of my childhood. My mother taught me a lot about her beliefs as a child. I remember her making it fun. She had a sort of toy chest for a prize if we could memorize the books of the Bible.
Aside from that, it took me many years to figure out who I was and what my purpose is. I was bullied from the age of nine til about the end of high school graduation so I definetely rebelled by hanging out with the wrong crowd, any crowd that would at least pretend to like me, got into a ton of trouble, and lost the trust of my family for many years.
I was kicked out many times and ended up shacking up with this guy I met at a party, yep you guessed it, I got pregnant. I'll spare that story for a different day but I ended up losing custody of my son, who is now 16 years old, and ended up in homelessness. I didn't listen to simple rules of my parents in return of a place to live, stole from them, disrespected them, and even disowned them for a time. I was still hanging out with the wrong crowd and soon started getting into drugs, drinking drunk every day, and sleeping with random men. I lost my identity, my son, and my family. All I knew were losers and you know what they say? You are who you associate with. Boy, was that true.
After awhile, I met someone, fell in, what I thought was, love and dated someone for ten years. It was all dandy at first but barely a year in to the relationship there were signs of jealousy, narcissim, and verbal abuse. Of course at that time, since I was never in a real relationship, didn't know what to do. All I knew was someone "cared" about me and I had a roof over my head and an actual closet to store my clothes in again. Long story, short, by the end of the decade with this man, I have been verbally, mentally, and physically abused beyond repair but I stayed because I thought he would change and let him walk all over me with lies that he would change. I don't how many chances I've given him and to this day, I never understood why I stayed so long and declined so many chances to go back home but didn't at the time.
Ten years of abuse can redefine your entire character and you can easily lose your identity. Don't worry, there's a happy ending...
One day, while my then boyfriend was laying on the ground in his own vomit and urine, passed out drunk, I was hiding in my room when I got a call from my old high school friend. He was my best friend and we were inseperable for years. I trusted him with my life and he was always my go-to whenever I needed to vent. Heck, he even stopped me from commiting suicide, but that's again, a different story. He wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday! We caught each other up on our lives since we haven't spoken in four years prior. He told me he had his own place with a spare bedroom that I can stay in until I get myself on my feet again. Now, for some reason, I never understood why I declined so many other offers but accepted his in a heartbeat. The next day, my mother drove out, we packed up while my ex was at work, took what we could, and I left him. I immediately changed my number, email, blocked him from everything and I never spoke to him again.
I was surprised at how fast I fell in love with Jim. He is without a doubt, the man of my dreams and I'm so blessed because I can proudly say, we have two girls together and still madly in love. 𖹭
